Simple Ways to Increase Romance
1. Compliment effectively – the more specific the compliment, the more believable it is. “You look great!” is nice to hear, but “You have the most gorgeous eyes. And I love it when you wear your hair like that” tends to carry a lot more weight. Or “You’re a great Dad.” vs. “I love the way you show them such patience, even when you’re tired. They love being with you.” You probably already notice things you enjoy about your partner. Just practice putting them into words!
2. Get physical – in a non-sexual way – I know non-sexual touch can be a touchy (pun intended) spot for some couples, but goodness, it’s effective at increasing intimacy. A hand on the small of the back. An arm squeeze as you walk by. A solid hug. A back rub while they drive, or holding their hand. We need touch! Especially touch that feels like it’s given without the expectation of sex. This is often one of the first things to go when relationships are struggling.
3. Speak their love-language – Learn what makes your partner feel loved. Is it gifts? Time? Acts of service? Touch? Words of affirmation? Study them and notice what makes them tick, then do it! If it feels tricky, get curious and ask them about it. Even if you’re not great at speaking their love language, the effort you put into trying will go a long way.
4. Say “thank you” – Gratitude helps us shift our focus to the positive, and notice all the things we enjoy about our partner. Letting them know we appreciate them it is a great way to make them feel loved. Challenge yourself to notice and express appreciation for something your partner does, at least once a day. Bonus points if you can do it more often!
5. Linger – Slow down the next time you give each other a hug or a kiss. The Gottmans recommend at least a 20-second hug or 6-second kiss daily to improve connection. When you hug one another, let yourself melt into it. Take a few deep breaths. Let yourself feel the comfort of being in their arms.