Making space…and the intention it requires
“Making space.” It’s such a therapist-ism. And if you know me, you know I really try not to be overly therapist-y (think the fake counseling scene in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”).
However, despite its somewhat woo-woo implication, “making space”, is a concept I love, because in today’s culture, unless we create it, carve it out, guard it, and defend it, that space will get quickly consumed by the rush of obligations, opportunities, and demands. In our current world, living at our current pace, space will not simply happen. It must be intended, created, and protected.
I sat with a couple today who talked about making space for connection and intimacy, and we all agreed that without intentionality and work, it is likely to get swept away into the tides of daily pressures. And while comparing calendars and juggling commitments to find time together isn’t sexy, it is necessary. Because connection cannot be forced. It cannot be squeezed into the margins of our day and expected to happen on demand. Demand, pressure, and compulsion are antithetical to connection. And especially in my work in sex therapy, I can tell you that increased pressure invariably leads to the death of intimacy. We cannot bully our way into it or rush the process.
I often discuss the concept of creating or protecting our margin when talking with clients. When busyness, grief; anxiety, or depression require all the space we have to give, we are left with little-to-no margin to make the choices we want or respond in the way we long to. In order to get back to living out of intention, rather than reaction, we must make the space to address the things that are requiring so much of us.
Lysa Terkheurst talks about leaving space in our schedules, in her book, “The Best Yes”. She describes the goal of leaving open spaces in our days and weeks, with the intention of being available. Available to love on a friend in need. Available to actively listen and engage with your child’s stories about their day. Available to slow down and linger over coffee with your spouse. Or even available to be still and remember who we are in this noisy, busy world.
Making space can look like creating margin around your appointments, leaving open times in your calendar, allowing yourself to be present in moments of waiting, rather than jumping on the phone. Maybe it means giving yourself time to journal, talk with a friend, or simply breathe. Experiment, be curious, and let yourself explore where you might be able to make some space today.